Define Your Dash

In a Relief Society lesson last week, we talked about “Defining our Dashes,” or making sure that the dash between our birth and death dates are remembered.  We discussed leaving our posterity, family, and friends a statement of beliefs, a credo, and/or a write-up of our testimony.  It’s meant to be a few brief sentences about the core beliefs by which we live, and can be thought of as a personal “Page of Proverbs.”  This kind of thing is appealing to me, perhaps just for my own purposes, but I love the idea of sharing with my children a few things I’ve learned.  So without further ado…..

This I believe:

1)      The Holy Ghost is truly a gift that can change your life for the better.

Henry B. Eyring said, “The companionship of the Holy Ghost will have a purifying effect on your spirit.” 

As I’ve gotten older and experienced some of my own struggles, I have learned the answer to these struggles cannot be found in another person or thing or place.  Through these struggles I have been forced to look more inward and upward for strength.  In doing so I have tried to foster a more deep relationship with my Heavenly Father, and I feel I have been very blessed by that relationship.  One of the sweetest blessings that has come with this stronger relationship with God is the gift of the Holy Ghost that seems to offer me incomparable power I have found from no other source.  Heavenly Father or the Holy Ghost don’t take my pains away, but they carry me through them and guide my steps if I just keep trying to foster that relationship with them.  Something I have tried to do in building this relationship is to write down on my phone some of the thoughts that come to me in my quiet moments.  They are thoughts I think might be worthy of writing down or might be coming from the Spirit.  As I have looked back and read those notes months or even years later, my testimony has been strengthened as I see and feel the truthfulness of those promptings as they have come to me.  So many promptings were preparatory for future events.  Some were incredibly inspiring and have served as further inspiration for me down the road.  Some have simply helped me keep going.  These little experiences I have had with these silly phone notes have been a testimony to me of the “unspeakable gift of the Holy Ghost.”—That sometimes these promptings are unexplainable, but no less real.  They have served as a reminder to me of the following quote by President Gordon B. Hinckley:  “The humanists who criticize the Lord’s work, the so-called intellectual who demean, speak only from ignorance of spiritual manifestation.  They have not heard the voice of the Spirit.  They have not heard it because they have not sought after it and prepared themselves worthy of it.  Then, supposing that knowledge comes only of reasoning and of the workings of the mind, they deny that which comes by the power of the Holy Ghost.  The things of God are understood by the Spirit of God.  That Spirit is real.  To those who have experienced its workings, the knowledge so gained is as real as that which is acquired through the operation of the five senses.  I testify of this.”

2)       Accept mortality and make it your friend.  I heard someone say this a while ago and it has stuck with me ever since. 

Friends are those that we accept for who they are and love even when they are hard to love.  We are blessed by the love we give our friends. 

There will be times when mortality may not seem like your friend.  Mortality may seem like a dark, unsympathetic ghost that haunts your happiness.  It will be that way if you make it so.  Choose to make it more than that and see the good that can come from accepting it, loving it, and acknowledging its goodness.

3)      Bruce D Porter once said, “When we yield our hearts to the Lord, the attractions of the world simply lose their luster.”  I have found this to be very true, and I have also found that when our hearts are with God, we are living the TRUE “good life.” 

4)      Each of us is responsible for our own happiness, and we can fulfill that responsibility with God’s help and His love.  But you must remember that you have to put in the work to find that life’s satisfaction you seek. 

5)      Keep searching and working towards your best self and then embrace it. 

“We each do the best we can.  My best may not be as good as your best, but it’s my best.  The fact is that we know when we are doing our best and when we are not.  If we are not doing our best, it leaves us with a gnawing hunger and frustration.  But when we do our level best, we experience peace.”  --Marjorie Hinckley

6)      I love trees and everything they represent.  God’s love, family, the fruit of eternal life.  Remember eternal life with our loved ones is more desirable above any other fruit.  Think of the tree.  Seek of its fruit. 

7)      As I have grown older, I have become increasingly aware of the importance of compassion towards ourselves and others, for life can be difficult.  Us humans need as much love, sympathy, and compassion as possible.  I hope my children don’t have to get older to be compassionate people, but I also hope that in their life’s lessons they can internalize this foundational message taught best by Christ himself:  Be loving.  Be compassionate.  Love they neighbor as thyself. 

8)      Our children have not aged past ten yet, but I am confident they can already repeat the following phrase uttered out of my mouth so frequently:  “Good habits make a happy life.”  So much of life’s problems and difficulties can be avoided by establishing consistent, good habits that help us prioritize life and achieve the balance we need to keep going.  These habits include basic things like eating well, consistent sleep, spiritual habits, personal goals, educating our minds, exercising our bodies, and feeding our souls and bodies with things that offer respite, peace, and joy.  I am not perfect at all of these all of the time, but I keep trying and I believe that ultimate persistence has helped me immensely.

9)      Sheer grit and mental toughness is something that I haven’t achieved easily in my life.  I was born with a soft heart and a sensitive soul.  I am grateful for all I am because of this sensitivity, but in order to survive this life so far, I have had to force myself to have grit and mental toughness to keep going.  Not every minute of every day requires it, but you can be sure there will be days and even some years that will require these essential qualities:  Sheer grit and mental toughness!  Reach deeply, pray for it, and it will come.

10)   Choose wisely those who you spend time with.  A good indication of a true friend with solid character is if that person allows, fosters, and celebrates all the good that you have to offer.  

11)       Don’t be afraid to be respond slowly to people or even to life’s perplexing situations.  I believe there is much power that can come from allowing time, thoughtfulness, and prayer come before your choices to speak or act.

Less Blogging...

I decided with all I have going on that I will no longer post my monthly family pictures on this blog.  From now on I hope to use Instagram in that effort to record but also to simplify.  I have stayed so dedicated to this blog for so long because of the fact that it gave me an avenue to write.  It has also helped me share and express my passion for my family, in a more private way than Facebook or Instagram.  But as I become increasingly busy, I am realizing it is time to forego my blogging years.  I will continue to write on this blog as my time allows, hopefully as a way for me to share some of my latest thoughts.  In the meantime, I will share on Instagram! :)

February 2017

Millie's starting to sit at the counter with the girls at dinnertime.  A cute sight:

Enjoying some cute crowns from Grandpa Ron and Grandma Joann that they sent us for Valentine's Day:

Eating lunch at the school with the ladies.  I brought them smoothies and we had a picnic in the hall: 

Tending Bo and sorting Froot Loops.  I should say I was the one sorting while they ate them: 

The girls playing with Millie: 

I know I probably shouldn't include this but it makes me laugh so much.  Millie definitely hasn't mastered the potty yet, but she's enjoying copying us!

Abbey's latest drawing.  She's super excited for the new Beauty and the Beast movie to come out: 

Abbey playing with Millie.  She's such a good big sister: 

Enjoying a Utah basketball game with Grandpa: 

 Millie playing with Abbey's hair:

She is so good at keeping me company while I do my morning dishes.  I know someday I'll miss having this little shadow around. 

Flowers for Valentine's Day.  My favorite. 

After getting out of the shower one morning, this is what I found.  She pulled her chair into the hall, got her blanket, and a few books to read.  :) 

My effort at spoiling my ladies on Valentine's Day.  You wouldn't think it'd be too hard dipping strawberries in chocolate, but come to find out, I have a few things to learn. 

Enjoying Valentine's Day by helping with a party in Andi's classroom: 

This was my Valentine's Day surprise from Eric.  100 love notes from Eric all. around. the. house.  

It made for a pretty fun week of finding sweet messages.

Well, some of them were sweet.  Some of them were ridiculous.  Some were funny.  All of them made up a great and memorable Valentine's. :) 

 I went on a little trip to St. George/Las Vegas with my sisters and mom.  As I was getting ready to leave, I couldn't help but capture these sweet faces as they were eating dinner.  So dang cute! 

Sharing a hotel room with Lydia, Lori, Leslie, and my mom :) 

A shot from the Parade of Homes in St. George.  This was my favorite accessory I found.  Love that gold is the "in" thing right now, and love the painting. 

Another favorite from the Parade of Homes.  A family tree wall: 

 We went to a play called "Finding Neverland" in the outskirts of Las Vegas.  

And we stayed at the Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas for a night.  Kind of dumb, but still a nice getaway. 

Back home at the Griffin's house helping to celebrate my nephew Chase's birthday: 

 Looking at the girl's footsteps after they left for school one snowy morning:

My company keeper: 

Enjoying a fun dinner at Rainbow Gardens after their last day of skiing lessons this year: 

Abbey loved this window decor as it was filled with owls and the color yellow!: 

At one point this month, my mom had a bad fall on the ice and broke her ankle.  While the break could have been much worse, it was another reminder (not that I've needed it) that my parents are getting older.  We had a Relief Society meeting on how to deal with aging parents and even though I'm on the younger end of things, my parents are not, so it hit me hard.  I hope and pray my kids will remember their grandparents and I desperately hope I can help give them a good life during their sunset years.  

As I mentioned above, I was able to do an unprecedented thing this month and go on a short little vacation with my mom and sisters.  It is unprecedented because I haven't left the kids for days at a time before, nor have I spent a lot of time with my sisters the past few years.  We are all so busy.  

The break taught me a few things.  One, that I need more breaks.  :)  Seriously, I think I achieve chronic fatigue status quite a bit in my life.  That is a habit I believe I have built out of survival after losing Michael.  My task-oriented life has been a helpful way to live in many ways, but my body is suffering because of it.  I somehow have to find a way to let myself sit sometimes, for crying out loud.  

I was also reminded that as my family and I have grown older and our lives have become more complicated, our relationships with each other might require a bit more effort, thoughtfulness, and sensitivity.  Regardless, with each additional experience I have with growing familial relationships, I am reminded what a great environment our families provide to help us complement each other with our differences, learn from other people's perspectives, and be a team because of these efforts.  God's plan, I guess.  

The girls' school had parent-teacher conferences this month.  With that experience in mind and just to give an update on the girls, here's what they've been up to:

Abbey:  This girl is a force of strong ability and good habits.  She is reading at an 8th grade level and has recently discovered the joy of cuddling up to a good book...each and every night.  Her school teacher this year has followed the same pattern as the others and has developed "Abbey love."  I cannot blame them.  She makes your day easier.  She is very competent.  She wants to please.  

With her piano, she is participating in the AIM and Federation programs, so she is busy with that.  She has been doing skiing lessons with Andi on Friday afternoons and has become a regular on the "hard hill" at Nordic Valley.

Andi:  This little lady continues to be a wonderful source of fun and delight.  She loves her friends, stories, skiing, interacting with others, and she also loves church.  She bore a very eloquent testimony this month (if I do say so myself), all without my encouragement or help.  She shows a sensitivity to the spirit and the people around her.  She is caring and kind and loves to laugh at her new favorite show:  Barbie's Dreamhouse.  Sounds like a typical girl show, but it's actually hilarious and it's so fun hearing her laugh to it.  I see Michael in her every day.  She has also increased her reading score by leaps and bounds this year, which I am over the moon about.  One of my favorite things she says lately is when she goes up to Eric and says:  "Throw me in the air like you just don't care!" and puts her arms out.  So funny.  What a goof.

Ava:  This lady is doing well in second grade.  Her teacher this year has been so good for her.  She always keeps up very well in school.  She is enjoying karate (she received her blue belt this month), and she has started to enjoy more play dates with friends on the weekends, which is so fun to see.  She likes being involved in occupational therapy (no lie) and she has enjoyed and progressed with our homework tasks we have to do with that.  Her front teeth are growing in and she's getting taller!  It has been funny to see her and Millie start getting annoyed with each other as they've learned how to push each other's buttons. 

January 2017

I always like the beginning of a new year.  I love the holidays, but when they're over, I'm very ready for the routine to begin again.

A lady who lived down the street from my parents passed away at the end of December.  I went to the viewing and my parents were a big part of the funeral.  She was a staple in my childhood neighborhood.  I will always remember her strong testimony, her continual diligence in life, and the kindness she showed me when Michael died.

More snow and sledding fun with Eric and the girls:

Miss Millie spent the first couple of weeks of the year with the flu: 

My brother-in-law had his 40th birthday on January 2nd, so my sister threw him a surprise party at a yummy Chinese restaurant.  Gabe was like a brother to me while growing up.  Here are a few pictures from the party:

The excitement at my parents was they got a new fireplace.  So fun seeing them enjoy some nice things in their older ages: 

This is how Millie spent her 2nd birthday, on January 3rd.  Sick in bed: 

But very cute... 

Here are Millie and Harry trying to keep busy during the nightly homework routine: 

Millie's 2nd birthday: 

More pics of my Harry: 

Abbey up to her usual sisterly kindness: 

Getting into mischief:

We invited the Lukes over to help celebrate Millie's birthday.  Here are a few pictures from the evening.  Her favorite part was opening presents.  She put on a show for everyone!: 

Enjoying her M & M birthday cake: 

Abbey being cute: 

Andi and I met her Aunt Bethany at a restaurant on the evening of Michael's birthday.  It was a quiet evening to help celebrate his life.  I appreciate Bethany being with us, and I loved sharing memories with Andi.  We even ate some Ben & Jerry's ice cream, Michael's favorite: 

She is my kitchen buddy while I make dinner and dishes: 

This cute girl giving me cuddles: 

Here's the newly-turned two year old at her two-year old check-up: 

 As usual, she measured as having a very small head, and being at about 40-50 percentile in weight and heighth.

This little guy has been a fun little part of our family, but he eventually became more than I felt we could take care of anymore.  We found him a nice home and said our goodbyes.

Goodbye to our bunny, Harvey!

Enjoying one of her new birthday toys with Dad: 

Andi is getting particularly interested in her looks these days.  She has requested a lot of certain hairstyles and she's enjoying all the girly accessories she can.  Here's a fancy hairdo we did one day for school: 

And here's another fancy girl: 

This is what we do during our weekly Relief Society meeting at our house.  She likes to keep me multitasking: 

Harry and I lamenting over another empty green room after the holidays: 

Love seeing my people dressed up for church: 

This girl has discovered selfies and takes them often with my phone :): 

A card for our 5th anniversary from Eric.  It's definitely a keeper:

CRAZY 

Wearing hats is fun to do... 

....and unfortunately, so is picking your nose... 

Eric's brother James came one Friday night and brought his dogs with him.  I was thrilled to have some cuddle time with his Dax.  The best cuddler EVER. 

I took the girls skiing one weekend in January to warm them up for their February lessons.  They did great!  It took a while to get our ski legs back on, but it was a lot of fun doing it together. 

Grandma Zimmerman is so diligent about sending gifts our way on birthdays and holidays.  Here is a fun puzzle Millie got from the Zimmermans for her birthday: 

Abbey got this for Christmas--It's a great way to store and collect the state quarters.  She's really enjoying it! 

Here's Millie "playing the piano" with her cousin Spencer at my mom's house: 

He has been so good to her.

My 35th birthday landed on a Sunday this year, and that made it kind of fun.  We got to have Sunday dinner at my mom's:

I took Chloe and the girls skating at Classic Skating.  Ava got to use her new rollerblades from Christmas and they all did great: 

How Abbey spend her free time:  Arts and crafts!

On this day, she painted a picture of the Delicate Arch. 

Aunt Bethany and Grandma Cathi gave a special gift to the girls for Christmas and invited them to a "tea party" at the Grand America Hotel.  On Saturday, January 28th, they all got dressed up and enjoyed "high tea" at the Grandma America in Salt Lake City.  Here is the darling invitation that Bethany made: 

Birthday cards, pictures, and flowers that I very much enjoyed:  

Ava being silly as we played dress-up: 

Dressed to kill: 

Spending time with Grandma Luke: 

Putting underwear on her head just to get a laugh: 

Watching The Parent Trap on our bed: 

Millie pushing Ava's buttons and trying to "cuddle" her: 

A nice thought I thought was worth saving: 

Posing in her crib with her favorite stuffed animals:  Bear and seal 

Doing laundry after we sent the girls off to school.  Our usual. 

Enjoying my freshly painted blue dining room.  A project I was finally able to get done and enjoy: 

A school art project Andi did: 

Ava had "Market Day" this month at school.  Here she is with her partner Des.  They made bookmarks and a poster and sold them for 25 cents a piece: 

Hard to believe she's getting so old!  She did a great job that day.

Abbey's 5th grade teacher threw a Harry Potter party and I got to help with it.  Abbey was so excited for it...She waited for weeks in anticipation.  After all, she LOVES Harry Potter.

Here is a picture of a great thought I saw displayed in Abbey's classroom: 

And here's Abbey during the party dressed as Hermione with her classmate: 

Millie getting tended by Grandma Luke: 

The day of the GRAND tea party finally arrived.  Here they are, all ready to go!: 

Truly a "grand" experience at the Grand America! 

Enjoying some fun shopping during a week of early-out school days: 

Abbey and the girls have been collecting holiday barbies with their earning money.  Here's Abbey with her collection: 

Playing together on a Friday afternoon in Abbey's room: 

 Millie enjoying her "Bo Bo" on a Friday morning.

A few thoughts from the month:

This January has seemed a little longer than past years.  We have received record amounts of snow.  I don't mind it...I am grateful for the beauty of each season and the mounds of snow we've received have created such beauty.  But the cold and darkness does wear on me after a while.  My will to keep enduring with enthusiasm was certainly tested this month, and I was reminded of the need to focus on good habits to help me endure.  One good habit I've been thinking a lot about is the weekly habit of going to church.  I haven't always been awesome at this throughout my life, but being a parent has certainly motivated me to be a faithful weekly attender.  It can be a frustrating routine to keep up with, with school five days a week and church on Sunday.  I often find myself quite flustered by the time I arrive at church--with diaper bags, church bags, coats, and babies in hand.  That said, I have noticed how much happier I feel by the time I arrive home from our three-hour block.  My spirit feels renewed and ready to keep going.  I may falter in achieving all the different spiritual tasks in life, but going to church is one thing I can do, as hard as it is, and it is empowering.  That I believe.

Along those same lines, there was one weekend this month that entailed a good measure of sacrifice for the sake of attending church meetings and fulfilling our callings.  On this particular weekend, Eric and I went to our ward temple night (which we don't always do), I attended our stake Women's Conference, and we had Ward Conference that Sunday as well.  It was a spiritually jam-packed weekend, and while busy and tiring, I walked away strengthened from it all.  Here are a few messages I wanted to remember from that weekend:  

--Keep the focus on family. 

--Don't be afraid to reach out and call people if you need them. --An especially helpful message for women, I think.

--It is important to prepare for personal revelation and put yourself in circumstances to receive such help.  I believe in personal revelation.  For me, having alone, quiet time facilitates this process so much for me.   Guidance comes so often when I'm quietly doing mindless work.  

--Becoming better in life takes conscientious effort. 

--Accept mortality and make it your friend.

--The spirit of meekness is something to remember.  I prayed for guidance before the temple to help me know how to approach people close to me more about Gospel and how to be an example.  (Because I know I need to work on it.)  I read a scripture in D&C about missionary work and how meekness is key and felt that was very much an answer I was looking for.  

--There was a presenter at our stake Women's Conference that gave such a good presentation on life skills that help you keep going.  She talked about courage, patience, service, gratitude, filling your bucket, optimism, prayer (we can sometimes benefit from turning to and confiding in Him more than others, which I believe strongly in doing.)  She also talked about how sometimes we need superhuman strength because life keeps going on no matter what.  That superhuman strength can come from God.  I very much feel that has been true in my life.

Eric and I celebrated our 5th anniversary this last month.  In contemplating the last five years, it isn't hard to think about all the challenges.  We have certainly had them.  We are different from each other and we travel with baggage.  But there is an underlying factor that I believe has gotten us through the difficulties.  As base as it may sound, we have simply needed each other.  And we can succor those needs in a way that many others cannot.  That truth hasn't always been clear, but as we emerge from the haze of our first 4 or 5 years, I can see that more clearly now.  I am grateful for that progress, even though it still doesn't negate the constant challenge we have of molding our pasts into the present.  We often feel pulled in many different directions and that can be taxing on a relationship.  But after all is said and done, I arrive at the same fact:  We need each other.  No matter the complications of it all, we need and have a place for each other. 

A few more thoughts from this month:

As I watch the girls get older and become more social, I've been thinking a lot about my own social self and some of the things I've learned.  I hope I can impart to them a few things I've learned along my path, because I have such a strong belief that people skills are foundational for succeeding in life.  So when the following thought came to me I thought I should write it down.  Simply put, socializing and connecting with others can be a lot easier if you make it more about them than you.  

That's it for now.